The Gigsville Code of Conduct

From Gig-Project

Gigsville Code of Conduct Enacted December 16, 1998 Amended continuously for a better tomorrow

The All-Complete and Forever Valid Gigsville Code of Conduct and Decoder for New Years Eve 1998 and Beyond.

These rules will be posted and available for reference at all tribunals monobunals and dibunals. These rules may only be amended by anyone or Nobody. Amendement without beer is ill advised.

Failure to adhere to the rules is a clear indication of something. Ask someone or Nobody and they'll tell you. Or maybe they won't.

1) NO OCELOTS. I don't frankly care if you have a permit. If I see a goddamn Ocelot we're gonna have some serious friction. Friction leads to fire and well you know the rest: flaming ocelots and Nobody wants that.

2) FRENCH KISSING BY FRENCH PERMIT ONLY: Look, what you do in your own home is your own business but the French are an entire nation and they have a national culture and identity to uphold. I don't think it's right that merely for the sake (not sake~) of convenience you would just jump right in and declare your kissing "French" without first clearing it with those poeple. Let's have respect for the once great empire! If you have a current permit to practice from the French, well then I suppose it's OK.

3) NO ACETALENE IN THE INFLATABLE POOL: Except for Attila because he is a professional at singed pubes. But only Attila.

4) TAXES IN GIGSVILLE: I'm sure we all want to get our return checks from the government very quickly but I think a lot of people hunched over tables filling out forms is really going to detract from the festive mood. So I'm gonna be arbitrary here and declare Gigsville a Tax Free Zone. The GTFZ will extend to wherever I decide so don't let me catch you filling out tax forms or I'll just extend the zone and get you in big trouble.

6) SUPERVISION OF UNDERWEAR TRADE: All underwear which will be exchanged (donations are a separate issue) must be supervised and sanctioned by Eve (Eval/Evil/Evel) who will be granted the title "Regent of Under-Trade". Her long experience in such matters will make the whole process much simpler for everyone. Her knowledge of explosives will make the whole thing a lot more serious. Frivolous underwear trade poisons the very roots of enjoyment at all of our gatherings.

F) PRESERVATION OF ENDANGERED SPECIES: As a roughly ecologically minded organism, Gigsville is acutely aware of the dwindling global diversity of non-consumer stuff and want's to keep some other (natural) stuff around. So we cherish and preserve in it's natural habitat the South Western North American Tequila Fish (tequilius fishicum).

8874232) ENVIROMENTAL FRIENDSHIPS: As an enviromentally friendly group, Gigsville, and all Villans in general will not disrupt, invade, harm, or in any way destroy the natural habitat of the few remaining "BuckTooth Jackasses". Villans, on the other hand, will make friends with our friend the pig, henceforth named "Torch", R.I.P.

S) LEAVE ONLY SCORTCH, SCOTCH AND GLITTER MARKS: Otherwise Leave No Trace. Acceptable traces to leave at Gigsville gatherings are limited to those cause by frivolous use of The Goddamn Scotch (TGS), Big Assed Fire (BAF) and gratiuitous application of body glitter. For purposes of Gigsville, vehicle Skids will be considered Scortch marks.

1) NO SPONTANEOUS HUMAN COMBUSTION: I know, I know - it's going to be damned cold out there at times, and you're gonna find yourself saying "Jeez - life would be a lot warmer if I just spontaneously combusted! -Plus think of the performance art aspect of it!" Such thoughts are selfish, selfish indeed. Your charred remains would have to be *carried out* by people at the end of it all.

2) NO GLOCKENSPIELS: Enough of it already. Studies have shown that repeat-exposure to glockenspiels cause anxiety, stress and isolated cases of bed-wetting. Bring something a bit more harmonious - like the cannons used at the end of the 1812 Overture or something - bring something melodic, restful and stress-free

3) NO CHANNELING OF THE SPIRITs OF ELVIS, LORNE GREENE or ERKEL: Need I say more?

J1) ALL FROG-LEGS MUST BE CONSUMED WITH CHOCOLATE COVERED ESPRESSO BEANS: Whereas the committee has henceforth approved Giant Frog Legs (GFL) as part of this nutritious breakfast, it will be required that all Gigsvillians must partake in at least 1 medium-sized Chocolate-covered Espresso Bean (CCEB) when consumed prior to 2pm, and after 4pm, Pacific Standard Time. This initiates the hours of 2-4pm as the sole hours in which Frog-Espresso relations can be asynchronous. This must be viewed as a ceremonial act comemorating the "Two Hours War" in which the Colombian Tree Frog population managed to devour the entire Colombian coffee harvest in May, 1951.

11) NO CASUALTIES: No one in Gigsville is allowed to sustain serious injury or death, especially death. It's really inconsiderate to die at a party, particularly a large one and a suicide note or other explanation is not sufficient. How many times have you been called upon to explain the deceased body of a friend of family member to the Authories? It really puts a damp blanket on the whole shindig.

11) NO CASUAL TIES: No one is permitted to wear casual ties in Gigsville, formal ties only as judged sufficiently formal by Weasel E Boy, Esq. Attorney of Gigsville, Ultimate Arbiter of all that is Weasley. It's really inconsiderate to wear informal ties to a boisterous party. How many times have you been around some jerk that just couldn't be bothered to dress up because they were too cool. It really puts a damp blanket on the whole shindig.

A4) CHEESE: Cheese may be easy, hard, fromunda, sharp, soft, chunky, sliced or in little wax covered pucks. If cheese arrives in a form other than one of the above mentioned, it must be brought before the mayor who will immediately appoint a 3 member cheese council to determine if it can qualify as cheese for the purposes of Gigsville or if it must be considered some "other" substance with regard to the Gigsville Code of Conduct (The Rules).

007) NO ENGINEERING WITHOUT BEER: Barstool Engineering does not endorse any brainstorming, calculation, design work, engineering, fabrication, welding, or machining for any project or device; also including the testing, troubleshooting, and regular operation of such project or device, without prior and continuing application of generous amounts of alcohol to all person(s) performing the above referent tasks. Barstool Engineering will not be held responsible for any success or perfection inadvertently and/or mistakenly achieved through such behavior. Any person(s) observed engaged in such behavior will be restrained and brought before our own Weasel E. Boy for sentencing, which may include, but is not limited to, tequila fish therapy and/or re-habilitation.

9-S) VEHICLE CODE: All motorized vehicles, in working order or not, when employed in 'proper' operation will conform to the community standard: Classes of operation will be given if necessary but if you need classes I doubt that Gigsville is a good place to learn. Modes of vehicle conduct are listed below: ASM: Application of Skid Marks - Doughnuts on Barzilla. DSCS: Driving Stone Cold Sober - Primarily limited to entering and leaving the desert. DUI: Driving Under the Influence - This can include substances, demons, peer pressure or high pressure. DWI: Driving While Intoxicated - This practice is not recommended and it is best to leave the vehicle driverless when intoxicated and dance on the roof. The vehicle can probably drive better without your interference. (see: Surfing) SOV: Serving Other Vehicles - Proper operation of Barzilla.

7Zarc7) CONSUMPTION: You mayn't eat a vegetarian at the barbecue unless you make friends with them first. We may Barbecue over regular Coal instead of Char-coal. You must ask first.

707) RESOLUTION OF DISPUTES: In such time as disputes may arise between villains, because of villains or in the presence of villainy. Being a civilized lot, Gigsville has sanctioned methods for resolving disputes to as to adhere to Rule 11) NO CASUALTIES.

METHOD A) PIG PULLING: Make a small fire in the middle of the room and divide your guests equally on either side of the fire, tug-o'war-style. The lead-off (the person closest to the fire) on each side holds one end of a large, solid wad of pig fat above the fire, while those behind each lead-off grab each other around the waist to form a human chain. (I suggest having the largest/strongest person on each side be the "anchor," while he/she most resistant to flame/pain should be the lead-off.) Each side pulls as hard as they can on the melting pig fat, again tug-o'-war-style. The winning team is that side which retains the most pig fat when the wad eventually breaks. (Disputes over which side truly has the most pig fat can be settled using a simple kitchen scale.) This game is not only festive (obviously), but can also help alleviate seasonal stress and even settle common holiday disputes.

METHOD B) RULE OF THUMB: Procedure for thumb wrestling follows: 1. Disputants visit the Tequila Fish aquarium and receive the blessing of the Tequila Fish. 2. Arbitrators from the legal committee apply beer as necessary. 3. Loud music. Of course loud music! 4. And flashing lights. That's pretty snappy. 5. More fish blessing. 6. Clasp hands and thumb wrestle. - repeat -

METHOD C) ADR: Given the skyrocketing costs of courtroom trials these days, Gigsville encourages dispute resolution the old-fashioned way: trial-by-combat! If there is a disagreement that cannot be resolved amicably, the interested parties are to: 1) Strip to the waist; 2) Slather themselves in baby oil; 3) Wrassle! (Greco-Roman style); and 4) Best 9-out-of-17 wins.

070) CARE AND FEEDING OF THE ELF: ELF must be "beered" if she is within 200 feet of technical discussion. It is the responsibility of the Bar Stool Engineers to maintain a supply of suds for this purpose and to be appropriately cautious when using Jargon in the vicinity of the ELF. Field tests have proven it is very dangerous to give ELF any other alcohol besides beer and quetilla. Before feeding the ELF check in with one of the following Certified ELF Care Consultants for authorization of the particular substance you wish to feed the ELF - XTC, Daphne, Sylvia or Girlie - please note that Howard is NOT an authorized agent.

D-7) OBSERVE THE 3-P's: NO Parking, Puking or Pork on the Klingon Battle Cruiser or the Dance Floor. Park nearby and maintain a minimum safe distance to your tent and the torpedo tubes lest the Big Red Monster eat you. Puke only away from the dance floor and dilithium crystal chamber. Murder of our friend the pig should be away from the dance floor or in the transporter room. Baloney sandwiches are exempt in all cases.

FEX-2) RECORDING BY NONPARTICIPANTS FORBIDDEN: Recording, by means of recording device of any sort whether for still images, audio, video, psionic lattice, laser crystal-holography, hybrid reality medium or cheese sculpture is explicitly and strictly forbidden and dag-gumm-it we're darn strict!

11.4) CONVERSION PROCEDURE FOR PARTICIPATION: Nonparticipants can be quickly and easily converted to participants by application of a suitable beverage and one of the 3 following procedures: (note: application of the beverage can follow or preceed the procedure as the situation warrants) 1. sing 2. dance 3. drop your (their) pants These procedures are open to interpretation and can be substituted with more suitable procedures as necessary.

33) PROBLEMS WILL BE ASSUMED: Because when we assume we make an Ass out of U and Me and this sounds suspiciously like Jackassery. Also, if we're not Assuming then were on earth are we gonna get all the asses for the Big Ass Fire (BAF)

31) MANDITORY JACKASSERY: Odd, lewd, illdefined, obscure, obtrusive, abnormal, hilarious, riot-inciting and 'other' behaviour which is in conjunction with the Gigsville Vehicular Code (GVC) or Big Ass Fire (BAF) is a village and villain requirement. This means you are required. You're not required to do anything, be anything or put up with anything but your presence is required.

32) BIG ASS FIRE REQUIREMENT: If you need an explanation visit the Tequila Fish Bowl and seek therapy.

3ZTOP) VILLAIN QUOTIENT: If you attend.... 3 events: you are hardcore! Entitles you to whatever pornography you want and pretty much anything else you want. 2 events: meant to attend all three, but got (1) lost; (2) drunk; or (3) lucky. Entitles you to get what you deserve. 1 events: what? you have a life? Entitles you too. 0 events: You obviously don't live within a thousand miles, just get (a)lost, (b)drunk or (c)lucky at least 3 times while thinking of Weaselboy, XT, Matt or some other suitable Villain (not necessarily listed in order of importance.) Entitles you to move closer.

4.18) MILITARY MANUVERS: There is currently an airstrike in progress now. There has been return fire from over the city. That was 3 minutes ago.

16.b.2.f.44) OS WARS: O.S. wars must be conducted using semaphors or hexadecimal representations of the highbit ASCII codebase common to all parties.

BBQ) CULINARY APPLICATION OF BAF: Big Assed Fires may be used in the sustanance of the community. BBQa.) In accordance with the Gigsville livestock consumption policy, all meats to be eaten must first be befriended by all members of the Gigsville community. BBQb.) Similarly, in accordance with the Gigsville livestock consumption policy, all friends of the Gigsville community must be eaten. BBQc.) All head must be evenly distributed.

S.3) ALL NAKED FLESH PILES ARE COMPULSORY: Naked fleshpiles are a necessity when compelled or compulsed.

S.4-1) CROSSING OF BOUNDARIES IS COMPULSORY: Cross boundaries as your are compelled or compulsed to. If recompulsed by the crossee consider the boundary uncompulsory. Failure to respect recompulsed will result in discipline by cheese. XTC is the Gigsville Designated Boundary Crosser (DBC).

S.15) CROSSING OF DRESSES IS COMPULSORY: Cross dresses as necessary and when compelled or compulsed to do so. Shower Curtains are considered dresses for the purposes of Gigsville. Compulse shower curtains as often as deemed wise. When in doubt consult Weasel E Boy, Esq. Attorney of Gigsville, Ultimate Arbiter of all that is Weasley.

S.62) TOURETTE SYNDROM: COCKSUCKER! sha boom! sha bam! son of a bitch, goddamn! fuck 'em! fight 'em! dynamite 'em! yeah shit! rat shit! bat shit! suck a witch's tit! cocksucker! motherfucker! eat a bag of shit! we're the only gigsville! all the others suck! gigsville! gigsville! yeah rah fuck!

TS+) NOBODY HAS TOURETTE SYNDROME: Nobody but Nobody has Tourette Syndrome. But everybody is required to pretend they have it. Nobody will give free classes to all comers, and vice versa.

5K) WARNING BEFORE DISASTER: When applying thermite, propane, VW Engine Blocks, fireworks, gasoline and other incidiary devices to the BAF, warning must be issued to surrounding participants

• before* escaping to a safe distance.

G1.1) GLITTER PRIORITY: Everybody MUST have glitter on at all times. Nobody is exempt.

P1.0) BODY PAINT: Body paint is not optional. Body paint is included without additional charge as a standard feature of late model villains.

S'S) PLURALIZATION WITHOUT PLURAL FORM: All ambiguous pluralizations must end in "podae", which is the greek word for "feet". (eg. If someone is confused about the plural for "chassis", the proper plural becomes "chassopodae".) If anyone has a problem with the new pluralizations, they are to say "But they don't have feet", to which the appropriate response is an ominously said "THEY DO NOW."

1.00.58) THE ARBITRARY RULE: As in Calvin Ball, all rules must be adhered to, however those of creative wit, spirit and will may fabricate new and improved rules to suit their immediate needs as necessary. Said new rules shall remain in effect forever and become a permanent portion of the official Gigsville Code of Conduct.

1.00.59) COD FISH OIL: All persons must pour 5 gallons of premium grade cod fish oil on themselves and roll in the dirt or brush. Flesh piles can then properly commence. Eriko of Jerico is the Shiek of Cod Fish Oil and shall forever and for all time be the sole and single supplier of the noxious oil from the glands of Cod Fish. Cod Fish Oil may not be procured from any other. It is so proclaimed. See Eriko for your supply.

1. 1) THIS IS CAMPING: That means there is plenty of brush to use.

1. 2) OK, OK: ... yes

32Z) MALLARD DUCK RULE: If anyone wakes up and finds two mallard ducks swimming in their pool, that person is required to bring the two ducks to Gigsville and cook 'em.

W.11.007) WINNING: Shoot to win. Since your time will always run out and no one is really keeping track of the score your best opportunity to win will always be by utilitizing the non-subjective absolute scale of survival. Survivors will be deemed "Winners" and those who fail survival will be deemed "Losers". (ie: Oh that felt good. I really needed to pee. And look! I survived the urinal. I *win*!)

9-9) QUESTION/ANSWER PARITY: It is proclaimed that when asked a question you may not respond with a question unless the responding question is much more interesting. Questions may not be at interest parity and must escalate in interest until producing an anwser.

The 7th Amendment) PROHIBITED MANDATORY ACTIVITIES: All activities not otherwise prohibited are mandatory, and vice versa. This includes but is not limited to the following: kayaking, anal intercourse, distillation, legos, parsley, whittling, armistice, and groundskeeping.

CRC 201) NO NON-STANDARD FONTS: "Dom Casual," in particular, will, under no circumstances, ever be tolerated.

CRC 313(e): NO FOREIGN AUTHORITIES: If you are going to rely upon foreign authorities, you must supply copies of them. So, Canadians, Brits, Floridians, unless you bring your authorities with you, you're outta luck.

LR 8.3) NO BIZARRE DRESS: All dresses must be fashionable and tasteful. Nothing trashy or slutty, boys. Questions, comments, concerns and pleas for assistance should be directed to the Honorable Weasel E. Boy, Magistrate of Fashion and Glamor. (MFG)

LR 8.7) NO TRAVERSING THE WELL: Why you would even attempt to traverse a well, hey, that's your business. But be afraid. Be very afraid.

LR 8.23) NO SHOWING FAMILIARITY WITH WITNESSES: Just cheap drinks and tawdy sex, nothing more. First name basis only.

R-11) REBELS OF GIGSVILLE: There will be a corp of 'individuals' whose purpose and job will be to oppose the group-think inherent in rules. Their conformity or lack thereof will be to oppose the overbearing, opinion subjugating, and down right mean rules. Of course, they could just make new rules to suit their needs, but what fun is that?

R-12) ENFORCEMENT: The enforcement of the GCOC (the rules) is the responsibility of everyone.

R-42) INSULATING THE SHERIFF: Gigsville will have a Sheriff. The Sheriff IS. The Sheriff will always be. Be one with the Sheriff. The Sheriff is entrusted with ensuring the villains are following the rules laid out in the Gigsville Code Of Conduct (GCOC). To this end the Sheriff may: 1) Raise a posse. 2) Deputize villains. 3) Create any new rules necessary to bring the villains into compliance. 4) Imprison Robin Hood.

Z.42a) MORALISTIC FENCESITTING: Sitting on the fence between the moralistic (or lack thereof) standards of GS(asM[pc])P and the Rebel Scum is hereby declared only permissable if said fencesitters are wearing pink chicken costumes and those cute googly eyeballs glasses. And sipping girly drinks through convoluted novelty straws. While acting out key scenes from Moby Dick. On acid.

GBC-9) ESTABLISHMENT OF MINISTRY OF TONSILS: Tonsil trade within the borders of Gigsville proper and improper will be overseen by the Trade Minister of Tonsils (TMT). All trade in Tonsils will require the Kiss Of Sanction (KOS) from the TMT. Diane Keating Sciacca, a.k.a: unshetek, a.k.a:wolfinblack is hereby pointed with the poking stick Trade Minister of Tonsils with all the rights and responsilibities recumbent in that comfortable position.

GSC-1) SCIENTIFIC STANDARDS: In recognition of the necessity of a common base of units and the perverse lack of interest in the "metric" and "english" standards that bobble around us now, Gigsville enacts the following standards for use within it's borders. a. POKING STICK - Poking Stick as the sanctioned unit and device of measurment. i.e: "Is he still alike? Dunno, poke 'em with a stick." b. BUTTLOAD - The Buttload (Btl) is the measure of quantity. 1 Butt load is the capacity of JetFuel's truck including flames and smoke. ie: 8.4 Btl of wood make a BAF. c. FUCKWAD - The Fuckwad (Fkw) it the measure of quantity of an unmanagable amount. ie: 1 Fkw of mud on my playa shoes. d. SNAVELY - The universal unit for conversion between units is the Snavely (Snv). It is hereby defined as 1 Snv = 5 Snv. Conversion Table: 1 Snv = 12 Liters 1 Snv = 10 Inchs 1 Snv = 1.44 Pounds 1 Snv = 1.98 KPa 1 Snv = 118.6 Volts 1 Snv = 6.4 Btl 1 Snv = 104.3 Minutes 1 Snv = 38 Newtons Other conversions can be guessed at. e. BEER - Beer (B) is a flexible unit of time, mass, virtue, honor, intelligibility, perceptions, cost and inventory. ie: "How long will you behere? 'bout 3 beers." "How much does that cost? About 4 and a half beers" "How technical is the manual? Shit about 18 beers!" f. STANDARD QUANTITIES: Slavery = freedom War = peace Broccolli = Cauliflower = Kale ThicknessOfBlood > ThicknessOfWater TheSumOfTheParts < TheWhole Me + You + ADogNamedBoo = BadSong Therm = OffTheDeepEnd

38) FORGETTING WHERE TO SEARCH: Search for things forgotten in other people and things never known about the self. In community find a love not found in the self. In a tornado of positive emotions find a synergy that will live long after the playa dust has been washed away.

GCVC-1) PATRIARCH AND MATRIARCH: The Patriarch and Matriarch of gigsville will be the most elder man and woman among the villains. As befitting the position there are a good many rights and responsibilities that must be adhered to. As the village elders they are also considered to be the elder statespersons and must be consulted on any international issues. Rights: 1. They may park where ever they wish. 2. All lines must defer to our particular wishes at the moment. 3. The best of the crops, food, drugs, and alchohol must be brought forth for our approval. Forcible seizure may result in any case. 4. Sacrificial virgins must elicit our prior approval by any means that deemed neccessary. 5. We will have the final say on resolution of disputes in the event that method A or B is unsuccessful or we don't agree with the resolution. 6. Peroidic approval of French Kissing techniques will be required to keep permits in order. 7. All the village children must mind their elders. 8. Worship and sacrifice may be required at any time deemed neccessary. Responsiblities: 1. Figurehead status is bestowed by the mayor upon the countenance of the elders. 2. Bedtime of 10pm Pacific Standard Time (for the title). Decorum precludes the the Elder title from carrying on like a jackass all night. 3. Kindliness, benevolence and generosity lest we learn to detest our elders. As keepers of the title, the elders are responsible for maintaining it's good name.

HOJ.5.0) HALL OF JUSTICE: The Gigsville Hall Of Justice, festooned with super-hi-tech crime computers ready for action is the official hang-out of the Gigsville Heros.

COC.5.0) CAVE OF CRIME: The Gigsville Cave-O-Crime, littered with diabolical devices ready for action is the official hang-out of the Gigville Meanies.

3F 20 A3 00) RESERVED WORDS: Gigsville establishes the following list of reserved key symbols which are designated to have special meaning within the confines of the community and cannot be interchanged as non-contextual keys or symbols. List: villain gigsville cheese goddamnscotch tequilafish bigassfire jackassery Daddy'sBigDonkeyDick

999.3) CAPTAIN OF THE CODE OF CONDUCT: Whereas the people of Gig can not be relied upon to remember (or even pay attention to) the piles of rules stacking up in their mailboxes, we hereby declare Captain Sodium, sworn nemesis of the Evil Dr. Whoa and defender-of-something-important -though-i-can't-remember-what, to the Chair of Official Updater to the Gigsville Code Of Conduct (GCOC). The GCOC will be maintained "all the time".

SUV-1) DEMONSTRATED UTILITY: All Sport-Utility Vehicles (SUV) must demostrate utility or they are known in gigsville as Wanker Karts (WK). Sufficient utility is judged in by either absolute entertainment value (as expressed in Snavelys) or acceptable use as a power tool. The table below may be used as a guide: Use Value ____________ ____________ Surfing 3 Snv Wood Paneling 1 Snv Electric Winch 1 Snv Class 2 Hitch 1 Snv Class 1 Hitch -no value- 2 Wheel Drive -no value- 4 Wheel Drive -no value- Hill Climb 1 Snv No Rear Seats 1 Snv No Upholstery 5 Snv Leather Interior --Nearly Always Automatic WK- 360 degree, roof- mounted turret w/ 2 linked lasers? 3.7 Snv Other values can be guessed at

22-0.1) STATING THE OBVIOUS: Once again, in the quest to state the obvious to those who need the obvious stated we've completely overstated the obvious. Don't be Stupid, be Cool.

1.99) GIGSVILLE IS A PLACE OF LOVE: Those not expressing love will be escorted out by a security representitive.

2.99) INDIVIDUAL EXPRESSION IS REQUIRED: Those not expressing themselves individually will be escorted to one of our education centers to receive training on how to best unlock their individuality in an acceptable way.

3.99) NICK NAMES ARE PREFERRED IN GIGSVILLE: If you are unsure of a suitable nickname for yourself, please see a Gigsville representitive, who will present you with a list of nick names to choose from.

3.99.A) NICKING OF NAMES: Nicknames/playa names/monikers are to be bestowed upon by the Double Secret Committee on Name Changes and Ficticious Business Statements. They are to be an earned reflection on one's traits, character, or one really, really fucked-up incident that could never be forgotten. When an application for name change has been approved, you will be notified. Probably you will be notified by everyone.

4.99) GLITTER IS THE PREFERRED ADORNMENT: Those not wearing glitter must be prepared to explain why, and may be escorted out by a Gigsville security representitive.

5.99) DISORDERLY BEHAVIOR IS ENCOURAGED: For tips on suitable disorderly behavior, see the Gigsville education center.

6.99) ENJOYMENT IS MANDATORY: You must have a good time.

7.99) UNHAPPINESS IS NOT PERMITTED: Unhappy people will be asked to leave.

Rule # 70-sex) SEX: You can only accidentally post to the list a private response that refers to specific sexual acts involving both you and the person you're corresponding with. The individual parties don't need to be party to the same acts, but at least one sexual act with each party needs to be mentioned in the e-mail. Masturbation is okay. In fact, if you do it right, it's great.

1. 17) ST. JUDE TRAVEL CLUB:. You must not publicly disclose the secret

charter of the St. Jude Travel Club. I recommend wearing unmatched socks to demonstrate your loyalty, hopelessness, teen pregnancy, or theatre techniques. The secret charter is this short guy named "Bill" with dark hair. He charts all day, and he charts all night, but he does so in complete secrecy.

1. 543) WORDS MARSHALL: Don't marshall your words to be quotable.

Fuck-O) WHO'S A FUCKO: All new rules must be given numbers or other designation by the rule-maker at the time the rule is made, or said rule maker shall be designated a fuck-o and pelted with snack food from a close distance at the earliest possible convenience of the official enforcement authorities, as determined elsewhere in the rules.

22-0.1) UNUSUALLY BANAL LYRICS: Making fun of the pop band ABBA is heretofore strictly prohibited on the grounds that doing so is simply redundant. The same goes for NKOTB and Mike Hammer, but Backstreet Boys is still open game until the year 2003.

404) YOU'LL NEVER LEARN: So we'll tell you again. Ugh! Proving once again Darwin really didn't have the answer, since somehow you've not yet been selected naturally. Book of Chuck.

78.787878) CAPTAIN SODIUM IS A FUCKO!!!!!!!: I believe that this premise was established by our prosecution team as a point of law on Jan. 1, 2000. Res ipso facto de jure hypno judicata nah nah nah . . . RMO, Esq. :-)

EWK1) All sacrifices involving new members are to be as pleasurable and non-lethal as possible (allowing for acts of nature, such as power spikes, improperly congealed Jell-O and cellular disruption). In no cases shall said sacrifices involve live animals unless approved beforehand by at least 3 members of the Meat Packers Union.

S'S'A) PLURALIZATIONS MUST BE DONE BY PLURAL PEOPLE: No one person shall utter more than one of the three proper pluralizations procedures: the phrases "_____apodea"; "But they don't have feet"; and "they do now" must be uttered, submitted to list, etc by three separate sources. (Otherwise, HappyReb will never get her chance for glory.)

11A) NO CIVILIAN PILOTS: In order to aid the effectiveness of Rule 11, No Villain shall accept a ride from a Civilian pilot. If it can be helped, don't play with any of their toys that spin, run, breathe fire, fly, has splinters, etc. If any Villain is seen attempting to accept such a ride, it is their understanding that they may harbor no feelings of resentment towards their fellow Villains when they are jumped, hogtied, and guarded for the remainder of their sad little rule breakin lives

U-F-000) GIGSVILLE BARE ASS CODE: Anyone farting while simultaneously retaining any foreign object in their butt is required to be equipped with back-up beepers linked to the nerves controlling his or her sphincter muscles so as to give at least a 3-second warning to anyone standing in the path of the foreign object or effluvia, or within the fallout area of said insertor's fecal mists. Otherwise it'd be ass-narchy.

CC-1c) NO PETS: No villains, SINners, or FRoGs are permitted to bring any dogs or other canines to The Burning Man Festival unless said canines are safely housed inside the carcass of an elk or other large herd animal. The herd animal may be considered kosher unless it's a member of an endangered species, especially if your dogs aren't even Jewish anyway.

ANOTHER-1) HABEUS CORPUS: Any dead people must be dead at the time of their arrival. if at any time they cease being dead, they may not return to a state of deadfulness until the weekend is over, at which time they are free to become dead in time for the next gigevent.

DCMMOISUBYAGC) MANAGEMENT VS CREATIVE: Don't Call Me "Management" Or I'll Sneak Up Behind You And Get Creative.

BB-GUN) BAD BRADISHING OF GUNS: Brandishing of firearms near a camping/fire area will immediately result in said firearm being placed in the brandisher's rusty sheriff's badge and the trigger pulled to make sure it's unloaded."

Y/N-6688-4273666-502-13-UN-12536-3.000001 Sub a43672b16-666 Parts z-a) CONTRAINDICATED CONTRADICTION: Unless contradicted elsewhere by individuals incapable of rendering a competent decision all prior and following rules may or may not be deemed null and void or not null and not void but never void and not null or null and not void.

07734-HELLO) FUCKO PUFFS: Everybody in Gigsville is cuckoo for Fucko Puffs. I'm cuckoo for Fucko Puffs. And in Gigsville CCEB's* are Fucko Puffs.

• refer to rule: J1) ALL FROG-LEGS MUST BE CONSUMED WITH CHOCOLATE COVERED

ESPRESSO BEANS

LESSON #1) DOUGHNUTS: Don't do donuts in a pickup until AFTER you've taken all the stuff out of the bed.

Rule #19) ST. ELMO'S FIRE: March 19th is St. Elmo's Fire Day, a Gigsville national religious holiday.

Y-NOT?) DO NOT PASS GO. DO PASS RICO: If you (regardless of your gender) attend a gathering without your significant other(s) (regardless of their gender(s)), then you are obligated to make a pass at Tokyo Rico. Hey, who wouldn't?

T4P) A GOOD TIME FOR PIE: If you do manage to obtain escape velocity and escape the village, first you must go to your own garage and get pelted by pies. Then you'll truly appreciate the phrase, "Time for pie."

GCC-REQ 1.23) OBLIGATORY CULT ACTIVITY: Members must collect and have signed at least 70% of the Gig-Cards to be allowed back next year. All those who don't achieve this goal will be forced to form a different cult the following year, called Gigsville.

GCC-REQ 1.24) DESECRATION OF GIG-CARDS: All members who desecrate Gig-Cards with ink, pencil, blood or any other method of marking shall not have their membership renewed the following year, and will be forced to join another group the next year -- possibly one that is also called Gigsville.

RULE 55.3) CONFIDENTIAL - When one is asked the question "who in your social group have you ever fantasized about" the answer will always be "Noosha" . This rule becomes null and void upon Noosha's death.

RULE 55.3a) NOOSHOWNIAN CORROLARY - F(gravity) = Gm1m2/r^2. This rule becomes null and void upon Noosha's death.

Rule Y2k) THAT THING IN THE DESERT: No Villian shall ever refer to that thing we will do in the desert over labor day as BM2K--BM2000 or the 2000 burn or even, the first Burn of the new millenium, but under no circumstance shall it be referred to as BM2k on list or vocally again

6.2) PERPETUAL INTOXICATION: All participants are encouraged at all times to be intoxicated on any and all substances, real or imaginary. Extra points for being addicted to something that doesn't exist, and/or giant schlupping sounds.

580-G) IT WAS KAHN! HE PUT CRRRREATURES IN OUR BODIES: October 5th as well as being the birthday of the one known as Eriko will be forever known in Gigsville as "Ricardo Montobon Day". By this mandate on October 5th it is required that all must recite in thick rich swarthy Ricardo Montoban accents the mantras "Rich Corrrrithian Leaather" and "Wel-come to Fan-tasy I-land!" Any further amendments to this amendment can only be made on October 5th.

581-G-WHIZ) THE NAME IS "MONTALBAN", NOT "MONTOBON": Ricardo Montalban was born Nov 25, 1920 in Mexico City. Currently, he is married to his wife Georgiana, and they live in Los Angeles. He has four children, and six grand children.

YANKS-ME-2) GOOD FOR THE DAMN YANKEES: Hey! You! Yankee fuck! I can send mail to whatever damn list i want, whenever i want, and in whatever manner i want. And you'll like it too. 'Cuz i'm Canadian, and i've got more etiquette in my left ear than you've got in your entire country. So i'm sure i know what's best as far as these things are concerned.

6.2b) LANDO CALRISSIAN: The Buddha's gatekeeper only LOOKS like Lando Calrissian. In order to have audience with the Buddha, one must overcome the "veil of illusions". The "Lando" identity is a metaphor for the veil, to pass him you must invoke his true name - but you must do this -before- he sends you away, for if you wait too long, you're just shouting "Billy Dee Williams!" at a bunch of your friends in the back of your van, and they're only going to think you're nuts. You will end this sentance. And then you will have missed an opportunity for True Enlightenment(tm), and they won't sympathize with you at all without a lengthy explanation, they'll just think you're nuts. And sometimes I think maybe they're right.

ORR-3A) WOODEN CONTAINMENT: When the fuckos are contained within a wooded area, they cease to be from Gigsville, and shall for that duration be known as from Twigsville.

0/c-42e2) DESECRATED VIEWING PROTOCOL: Upon viewing a desecration of the word 'Gigsville' into the unseemly and odd word 'Figsville', all patriotic villagers will respond by raising their eyebrows no more and no less that 1/16th of an inch, and uttering the following words: "Hmmmm. No good will cum of this." Villagers failing to do this will be seen as unpatriotic and will be subjected to (an apathetic, yet strangely charged) Nothing at All.

Quebecois) PRONOUNCE IT RIGHT: "It's pronounced 'turd'! Not 'third'!"

TE') POOR OLD TREY - Trey is exempt from ALL rules in the code of conduct. Including this one.

TERMS-2) FUCKO IS: Here's the definition of "Fucko" from the Whovian unabridged Dictionary of Stuff and Things

---

Fucko n. (pl. 'fuckopodae')

1. A person who adheres to the principles of fuckosity as perpetrated by the infamous Fucko Decree of 2219. 2. A primate who squirts its own lactates into the eyes of passers-by for fun or profit 3. One who engages in irreverant "breaching experiments" to shock themselves (their sense of boundaries, ethics, philosophies, sexuality) or shock others. It is believed by researchers at Cornwallis University that the first fuckos performed these acts with a subtext of wishing to perform on themselves and others a kind of psycho-kinetic shock therapy. These theorists believe that the evolution of human potential may be enhanced when you push yourself and others through the psycho-kinetic philosophies of Fuckoism. However, since these researchers are also being investigated by the Combined University Ethics Commission, we at the Whovian unabridged Dictionary of Stuff and Things implore you to not give too much merit to those Cornwallian dip-sticks. We also implore you to more regularly brush your teeth. 4. A little known type of jetpack which failed to achieve commercial success in the 50's due to the high number of users who shot in random directions while using the jetpack to never again be seen (hence the old ironic phrase "I *saw* you being a Fucko over there"). 5. Don't you have anything better to do with your time than read this stuffy dictionary? For the love of dog, get away from your computer! Go do something! 6. goto 1.

OAZ) OCCIPITAL AUTONOMOUS ZONE: "Hey, didja see that?" "Nope"

TAY-2000) NIPPLING THE DRUMMER: Matty the Mutator or his proxy shall have warm nipples thrust and ground against his back whilst performing on drums, for the explicit purpose of warding off the chill. For nothing is worse than a cold back during a Tay show.

Au-RULE) RULING THE VILLAINS: The first rule of villians is, don't define villians the second rule of villians is, Don't Define Villians the thrid (pronounced: turd) rule of villians is, there are no rules of villians, except for the Rules of Villians. The best rule of the villains is that they define themselves.

3.99 Cee) THE DANGER GIRL STATUTE: The individual shall always prevail over the Gigsville collective identity and pressure to conform to that collective identity.. Personality and individual identity shall be expressed/created at the discretion of the individual Villain. All Villains have the right to stick their finger in their ears and tongue out at each other in defiance of collective pressure to determine the who the fuck they are and when the fuck they shall be what they will be.

3.99B) CHUCK NU-VEAU: In refernce to the fact that no woman can feel sexy or badass being called Chuck, all females of the Gig persuasion are to be known as NU until such time as another name can be found (in instances where there are more than one newbie girl, they shall take NuA; NuB, and so on

ICU-8) DAMN LANDLORDS: Landlords have no business anywhere near a villian recovering in ICU or any type of Infirmary Unit. Can you belive this acutally has to be stated? Poke 'em in the eye if you see 'em.

GR-8) MAKING SENSE OF THE WORLD: Why does the world make no damn sense at all? Huh? Shit! I make sense ~some~ of the damn time. Everything is now required to make sense ~some~ of the damn time so I don't have to make all the sense my own damn self. Weird is good, but there's got to be limits!

Rule B4) PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY: When confronted with a situation/ scenario/event or other happenning; pile of shit/stuff/kipple/crap; behaviour/bearing/attitude/appearance for which one might possibly be held responsible, the correct answer is ALWAYS: "But it's not MY camel."

879.234-a) MR WINKLE'S RULE: The name or likeness of "Mr. Winkle" shall never appear in the GCOC. Oopsies. All punitive metaphorical smokings need must occur within the symbolic realm of the Yurt of Wolfie. Any punitive metaphorical smokings NOT occuring in the metaphorical Yurt was decreed by three of the former "washhogs" to be simply unfit for self-respecting consumers of whimsical punishment. Robert Hegyes says of non-Yurt smokings: 'It made me cough too much. My eyes got all watery!' And Ron Palillo whispered, 'Uncool. So fucking uncool, dude!'And of the Yurt? John Travaolta shared the following: 'It made me shake my hips with joy!'

A.s.s.) THERE'S NO EXPLAINING JOSHUA: Joshua, at any time can be an asshole to anyone he wants. The person(s) at the end of his poking stick(tm) shall accept his evil demonstrations without having to be told why. Joshua at no time shall have to explain his reasons for being cruel, mean, unhappy, angry, upset, ugly, or drunk.

Rule: SRPaJ001) SUNRISE PROTOCOL ADMENTMENT - JOSHUA: The Sun wil now rise in the West if at any time Joshua stops being cruel, mean, unhappy, angry, upset, ugly, or drunk.

Y.) SPELLIN' FER LYNYRD SKYNYRD: Yer favrit rawk groop iz speld LYNYRD SKYNYRD. Taint Lynard Skynard er Leonard Skinnerd er nuttin lahk thayat sheeit. Sew git eet raht alriddy! Jayzus!

STUFF-106) BELLYBUTTON LINT - Some people actually like to examine the lint in their belly button about every once in a while. That's ok but it's all about what Jimbo said.

1-800-Filth) FAMEOUS PHRASES FOR $800 - "Kuss E'maq Con Queso, Simka" means "Kiss Your Mother's Cunt, With Cheese, Bitch". Please note that this can (and should, frequently) be sung to the tune of "It's a Small World, After All" Translation available upon request, submitted in fornicate, to the appropriate parties. Unemployment parties are especially appropriate.

90405-94117) YOU WIN! - Gigsville recognizes as an important religious entity from Greek Mythology the God Tentacles (Ten-Tah-Kl-E-z) whose power upon Mt. Olympus was Anti-Competitiveness: to end Conflict, Disputes and Competitions through magic. Invoking the power of Tentacles is in effect declaring everyone the winner. Anti-Competitiveness, not be confused with non-competitiveness or just plain hostility is the squashing of the quest for the prize where as non-competitiveness is just plain not caring about the prize and hostility has nothing to do with prizes so if you think there's a prize you're probably wrong.

E=MC900FTJESUS) HEISNERS LAW OF PROBABLY - Back in 'the day' when relativity was a relatively new thing there were 2 great scientists who were thinking quite hard about all manner of things, Heisenberg and Heisner. Heisenberg came up with the Uncertainty Principal which sort of says that a lot of things are sort of true until you check. Heisner not to be outdone postulated his Law of Probably, which says that Everything is Probably True except Heisenberg who is Probably Not. Heisenberg won a thumb wrestling match against Heisner at a physics conference and thus this Law became a footnote to history. But it's important because it's

O-RATA) OCELOT OCELATION - How do you titillate an ocelot? Ocillate its tit a lot

XXX-001) WHIP ME, BEAT ME, TEACH ME LOVE - When the stripper slaps/spanks her own ass, all in attendance must drink.

PBLT.) THREE CHEERS - How to type a "Bronx Cheer" aka "The Good Ol' Raspberry". Place your left middle finger on the "T" key. Place your left index finger on the "B" key. Place your right index finger on the "L" key. Place your right middle finger on the "P" key. If you're right handed, merely wiggle your fingers, and they'll naturally spell out the most effective "Razzing" known to modern technology. If you're left handed, well, all I can say to you is pltbplbtpltplbptbltpbltpbltpbltpbltpbltpbltpbltbpt!!!! (Special thanks to the guy that wrote Bloom County. )

2soon2fry.) BURNING THE MAN EARLY. Burning the man early is "chocolate coated". This is a secret term for one of those things that sounds much cooler in discussion than in practice. The term originated with Chocolate coated ice-cream cones, but in reality, most things coated with chocolate simply aren't as enjoyable to actually eat as you might think when you hear or read about them. Burning the man early is great fun to talk about, but nothing to actually do.

IX) GLOBALWARMING - There is good ice and bad ice. It is therefore imperative that Ice Melters be equipped at Burning Man. Villains must be on the lookout - if you see even a random "scout" block of ice on the playa, melt it. It's only collecting information about us so that the whole glacier can strike when we least expect it. Don't trust the beer mallards or the playa glaciers they are both agents of Jeff Bezos.

Sub) BLUBBLUB - Blub blub is when you get a friend REALLY drunk, and feed him some seltzer so he's farting a lot, then you take his lousy drunk ass down to the lake and lean him along a boat ramp just until his ass is under water. It helps if you pull his pants down. Then you give him a beer and as he drinks it, he farts, and the bubbles come up making a little "blub blub blub" noise. You just have to be careful that you don't accidentally step on his head and then push him underwater, otherwise you'll have to drag him out, clean him up, and then light a giant fire inside him while naked people stand around taking drugs. Believe me, it can happen.

4-U-C8) FUCKING - yes. All fucking must be done on a stage for our enjoyment and critique. Your score sheets may be picked up after the event. Extra points are given for extreme atheletcism and the incorporation of fire. Volume earns you points, but content is more important than volume. So screaming "Aaahhhhwwwwwhuh!" is good, but screaming "Oh my god! Superman, do my ass hard with your steel rod you fucking amazing caped superhero!!! Pretend I'm Lex Luthor!!!!!!" right as you orgasm will be maximum points. Nobody will be awarding prizes at the end of the weekend.

14) REMITTANCE POLICY - We do not bill. Please pay on time.

N) FOOLISHNESS - Don't fool yourself into thinking Gigsville exists - recognize it as merely a shorthand for those aspects of it that DO exist.

01a.410) LEASH, MUZZLE, AND TENT ORDINANCE. Okay, here's a common misunderstanding with both human, animal, and multi-species "orgies". We so often hear about orgies, and may think we've witnessed or participated in one ourselves. Sometimes, we're right, but mostly, in this day and age, we're wrong. As the California Grape Commission famously declared after the dismal failure of that "dancing raisin" bullshit: "Without the grapes it's just group sex."

1-OF-US) ONE TRUE FAITH - Demons everywhere... they're out to get me... it's all a plot by those jews, arabs, americans, canadians, catholics, protestants, satanists (or other enemy of your choice) Religion? Acid Trip? Is there a difference?

2-Shay) THE SHITTY STCUTURE RULE - (acid tested by the Judge) REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU MAY THINK - YOU DID NOT BUILD IT STONG ENOUGH, STURDY ENOUGH, OR STABLE ENOUGH TO SURVIVE ON THE PLAYA. It will need to be twice as strong/sturdy/stable as you think and this still may not be enough. If it won't stand up in an A-bomb blast don't even bring it. (Listen to the advice of your friends.)

Rule 24.725) IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS - Any and all important documents involved in any official Gigsville/SINdicate business must be soaked in booze in order to make them superflammable for when they must inevitably be destroyed

Rule 24.725-MS) IMPORTANT PARTICIPANTS - Any and all important <participants> involved in any official Gigsville/SINdicate business must be soaked in booze in order to make them superflammable for when they must inevitably be destroyed.

JK-3145) CARNIVORSITY - Your liver will get eaten by someone. It's a trueism. Joan of Arc get's first dibs.

2-n0-2-MUCH) KNOWLEDGE & SHARING - Gigsville hereby institutes the Gigsville Department of Oversharing. Please submit ZERO copies (~not~ in trip-lick-it, or four-ni-cate) of your explicit sexual/digestive story to this department. We will psychicly determine what portion of the story other people would like to hear and pass that on. NEVER submit any copies of your story in any form oral/written/cinema/cheese sculpture/etc. to anyone.

WBS-24ME) WEASELS, BABIES & SPACE - Babies came from somewhere Between Lover and Enlightenment... So as I read it. Babies come from Gigsville, or since babies also seem to come from space then that means that Gigsville is in space. And since babies are also said to come from your belly button then your belly button must be space. So those space weasels must have actually been babies and came out of your belly button. In other words Gigsvillian belly button weasels. Now that we have them localized and identified it should be easy to trap a few and examine them in detail. Though I have never heard of packs of babies running in the desert and trying to eat people... My head hurts.

RULE #38) INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW - Disclosure is compulsary when mysterious hints are dropped. Dropping a hint is permissable, however, failure to disclose the details, context and otherwise fill in mental blanks on your mysterious hint are not permissable. Failure to tell all is grounds for a trip to the mall where you will be forced to sit in the food court and listen to the inane details of other peoples stories.

SONG-#1) THE BLM THEME - WOW - I love that song... How does it go again? Oh yeah:

"They're watching us through binoculars They're watching us through binoculars They're watching us through binoculars to see if we're on drugs

They're trying to see if we're getting high or who's on the hood screwing TMI or to tell if Mutech is really a guy

They're watching us through binoculars They're watching us through binoculars They're watching us through binoculars to see if we're on drugs"

-Lucky Dave

RULE) SAFETY 1/3 (or SAFETY IS THIRD) - The FIRST consideration is always Jackassery (tm) and Fun (tm). period. end of discussion.

This may include any number of activities including, but not limited to: continuing to push buttons long after there is no effect, taunting others, setting things on fire, sticking things together that usually are not, secretly altering events so that Nobody is aware, poking stuff with a Poking Stick(tm), recreational sports, non-recreational sports...

The SECOND consideration is all OTHER considerations, such as, but not limited to: gaining obtainium, construction, planning, getting beer in order to do said planning, creating a list for planning, creating (yet another) list for talking amongst ourselves that has nothing to do with planning. period.

The THIRD consideration then, and only then, will be Safety. All Equipment for Safety should be reviewed in a Safety Meeting. period. Make of that what you will.

BAF#1) THE BIG ASS FIRE - When referring to a Big Ass(ed) Fire when in the context of electronic or verbal communications. The written abbreviation shall *always* be in capitol letters, or spoken as such.

BAF#5) TRASH FIRE ON THE BEACH - LA Beach Burn BAF construction. Fires at LA Beach Burns should be a BAF. In order to be classified as a BAF, the concrete fire ring must not bee seen under all the components of a BAF (i.e. wood, burnables, accelerants, embers, ashes & etc)

BAF#9) DEFINITIVE BIG ASS FIRE - a fire, in order to be classified as a BAF must either be 50% greater in diameter or 75% greater in height than would be considered reasonable according to prevailing laws, rules, directions, or safety precautions.

BAF#9alt) JUST PLAIN WRONG - A fire cannot be considered a BAF if there is any unburned wood, burnables, magnesium, or accelerants remaining outside the confines of the fire.

VOCAB.SEX.1a) WE'RE RIGHT - THEY'RE WRONG - In an effort to more accurately define ourselves, regardless of the common vocabulary of our culture, all definitions of the word "cute" in our Webster dictionaries should be replaced with the following:

cute ('kyŸt) adj. cutáer, cutáest attractive or pretty especially in a dainty or delicate way sexy; as in hot damn sexy obviously contrived to charm; precious: shrewd; clever.

1. RULEonLEAVING) WE'RE NOT LEAVING - It is hearby decreed that the last to

leave any Gigsville gathering at any public venue may not actually do so until such a time as 'requested' to by the proper authorities. If it becomes necessary to summon proper authorities by judicious use of explosives, fog horns, mega-phones, air cannons, ship cannons, flame throwers, flaming bunnies, or any other items, persons, or beasts (excluding Ocelots (see Rule # 1)) then this is sanctioned but only as long as all other GCOC rules and regulations are followed. Making anonymous phone calls to the authorities complaining about the 'freaks' is NOT sanctioned. Violators will be known hence forth as "party poopers" and/or "wet blankets".

123098) GODS CODE - Concerning gods at El Mirage. As you may very well be aware, we have had issues with dieties at El Mirage, and frankly unwanted interventions. Some minor dieties are nothing short of common nuiscances, what with their feeble manifestations, their blinking lights, and their tossings about of various projectiles. In light of this fact, the following dieties will *not* be worshipped, or displayed in idols, or even referred to (in vain, in ecstacy, or in passing) during this weekend:

• Mephistopheles. That guy's a bad apple. Remember that stuff on the

toilet that 1/2 dome had to clean up? That was Mephistopheles' fault. The bugger! No more "Oh, how I wish Mephistopheles was here!" or chantings of "Oh Great Mephisto [an also unaccepted reference to that foul creep of an entity], how I wish you were here to amuse us with your ass-shaking antics and Dennis Hopper impersonations!"

• Felix the cat. Certainly *not* a wonderful cat, that Felix character

(recently added to the official poll of dieties by the official British census) has been known to have a posse of space weasles in tow with him! And Felix has also been known to make poor gigsvillites stub their toes on re-bar. That bastard cat.

• Gary Coleman. Need I say more? He's not even a diety, but he is

NOT ALLOWED!

• Hecate. How she made me shiver when she manifested herself on my

toothbrush that time. Stop it Hecate! You make my gums tickle!

• Guy LaFleur. Yeah, he used to be a god on the ice, but now he's just

another sadass Viagra seller. And we certainly won't need him and his Viagra-peddling ways out there.

$0.02) HYPE - Radical Self Expression is not equal to Radical Self Promotion. Control your hype or risk being treated like the dumbass you are.

X-RAY-8*) REMEMBER YOUR UNDERPANTS - Remember: you read it here first.

Remember: only you can stop yourself from peeing on your feet.

Remember: don't worry about what I wrote up there if the peeing you're doing is to try to stop forest fires. Just try to get more on the actual fire part.

GCOC: 900357(gi) MEMBERS ONLY - Effective 3-5-02, membership in our little club is contingent strictly upon posession of one (1) G.I. Joe, to be carried at all times and presentable on demand to a Secret Master of Gigsville, (SMOG) or designated deputy.

GCOC: 900357(gim) MOE AND JOE ARE FRIENDS - G. I. Moe is just as good if not better than G. I. Joe. So you can have a moe and still be part of the "in" crowd.

GOD-8) SPLINTERS -Gigsville-the place where any topic inheranlty becomes a splintered version of its original foundation, generally ending in a commentary on something or someone competely unrelated and entirley ancilliary to the concept at hand.

54.40) OOPS (GIGSVILLE POSITIONING SYSTEM) - Fight The OOPS shall apply to rural territories newly annexed into Gigsville until generally known within our community. Established sites (Black Rock City, El Mirage) don't need OOPS.

54.40.1) FIND YOUR OWN WAY - Heinleinean Committees a Written OOPS directions shall be composed by Committee, which Robert Heinlein defines as a life form with six or more legs and no brain. b Life forms for Committee purposes shall include humans and other creatures with language capabilities (dolphins, sign language proficient apes, intelligent aliens, and Canadians). A dog is not a life form.

54.40.2) DONT HOLD YOUR BREATH - Signage a The Committee shall be responsible for signage if the OOPS site is not visible from a paved road. b A sign or symbol recognized within Gigsville shall be visible from the paved road at the turnoff point. A colored ribbon will accompany it. Person providing the ribbon and markings will be designated Pork Greeter c Ribbons of the same color shall appear at intersections and turns on the dirt road, and at half mile intervals along straight paths. It'll be easier to see these ribbons if you've injested sacred spirits. d If none of the above are done, then this is an adventure not a trip to the mall. You will have packed food and water and wood and scotch and where you end up is, of course, where you were going. e And that's why you should have a map.

3-DIFFERENT-1s) PORK GREETER - The Pork Greeter is the person responsible for putting many and varied indications of our camp sites so as to make it a simple matter for The Man to find us and spoil our good time. The Pork Greeter will spend their time, as necessary, in detention or explaining to the Pork. Pork Greeters are not generally welcome.

53) SUCKS TO BE YOU - In all cases you must prepare yourself. This includes verifying maps, directions and locations. If you arrive at night and get lost without a map, you can weep for yourself but that probably won't help.

BadK9) FINE! PRINT - Dogs may not be allowed to write or edit any maps or directions to Gigsville events - especially if the dog is bananas. Violators will be driven out to unmarked spots in the desert and subjected to six hours of twilight zone re-runs and/or hit in the head with a meteorite.

1 MAPS) USE IT - If you're given a map, use it.

r321`8907) DUCK AND COVER - The Duck Exchange Policy. Nobody damn well better not swap the ducks.

D0-M0r3) GOD LOVES DOERS - Gigsville Volunteer Corps If you want to be a volunteer, you can be a - clown fetishist - nostril looker-at-er - turdburglar (the stinkiest job in whoaville) - member of the Tunameltflambe kitchen - where everything is served on fire! - earwig analyst - breakdancing border patrol - elevator shoe-wearing pistolerro - member of the department of misinformation (all signs must be desecrated) - the lucky person who gets to dress up like a bear all day, occasionally twitching and whimpering "the ants have crawled up my ear now..."

Art. XXXVII) DON'T SPILL IT - We chastise, most harshly, those who would waste perfectly good liquor and other intoxicants.

61.67.1.a) MASCOT - The official mascot of Gigsville is the Beaten Dead Horse.

BLUE-DUCK) CEREMONIAL BEVERAGE - Romulan ale will not be served at official diplomatic functions. Trader Joe's Vanilla Creme Soda mixed with Vodka or Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum will be substituted.

BLEW-DUCK) FERAL ASSERTIONS - Wild Assertions have been extinct for many years. Their ecological niche has been taken over by escaped Domestic Standard Assertions which have, in subsequent years gone feral. Feral Assertions are cute when they're young but grow up to be hideous monsters. Don't let Feral Assertion follow you homne from any party, camp out, convenience store, work place, or used car dealership.

Appendix A) THE CODE IS EVERYWHERE - Where is the code of conduct? I feel the code of conduct is inside us all; It's in the petals of the flowers blooming in the spring; It's in the sound of the breeze through a field of bamboo, the roar of the ocean waves crashing into the shore, the gentle trickle of a mountain stream; It's in the mouth of a young child when he first looks at the sky and asks "why?"; It's in the eyes of a mother gazing at her newborn infant; It's in the spirit of the frontiersmen who toiled to settle the wilderness in order for their familes to have better lives someday;

tGCD-xoxo-nfo-2002) THE GREAT CAMERA DEBATE, HUGS & SMOOCHIES, NOW FUCK OFF 2002 The Opening Day on the Season for the Great Camera Debate will be no earlier than July 15 of any given year and will be rapped upped no later than October 15 of any given year, so that we may have ample time to prepare for the holidays and other, different jackassery. Anyone wanting or needing to go over the issue while it is not in season will be given links to previous years discussions, where they can quietly read up on the issues while not bothering the list with it.

Addendum 1A) KEVISSIMO - IF we know your camera before we know your name, then ya may want to spend some more time becoming part of the fabric... Hopefully everyone will be sensitive enough to know what the healthy boundaries are...but sometimes this doesn't happen and that's why this horse is getting flatter by the post...An instance last year involved someone who only asked to shoot someone when they were naked. Totally fukkin uncool. This was for who's benefit? It still gives me the creeps.

29310) RADICAL SELF AUTHORITY - If it's impossible, what tight ass decided there needed to be a "rule" to "prohibit" it? Someone who wants to be IN CHARGE. It's not helpful, it's just being a dick. Helpful is getting out of the way.

GO-2) SOMEWHERE - ... out there Someone's saying a prayer That we'll find one another In that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are It helps to think we might be wishing On the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby If helps to think we're sleeping Underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there If love can see us through Then we'll be together Somewhere out there Out where dreams come true

1. k42(((-*ickiickiickikapangzowee #9) ADDENDUM-DE-DUM-DE-DUM -

When Jean Chretien, or any other serving Prime Minister of Canada, appears on list, he must prove his mettle and verve by engaging in a no-moves-barred Break Dance Fight with Whoa. Should Whoa be uninterested, unwilling, in his stead Whoa gives Therm the authority to be the Gigsvillainic Break Dance Defender. Should Therm be uninterested or unwilling, Jean Chretien, or other acting PM, will be pointed to the nearest scarecrow and told to engage in a game of Paper Scissor Stones. The resulting hi-jinx will be duly recorded and later sold to CBC. All profits from such tranactions will go towards buying wood for the Car-B-Q. And / or Star Trek costumes for the homeless.

Do-NUT) BURNOUT! - If, in the course of a gathering of villains in the "great outdoors", our friend "Mother Nature" fails to challenge us a dequately, it is the responsibility one or more of the aforementioned villains to create more extreme conditions, e.g. dust storms, with the use of their own supplies and ingenuity, e.g. burnouts strategically completed, taking into consideration the wind velocity and direction and current eating behavior of persons to be challenged (in order to maximize the hardship among the members of the group)

MOD-1) EVERYTHING GOES BETTER WITH A FUCK - Fuck is the preferred modifier for the english language. Here is a short list of some popular usages: Fuck-Wit, Fuckin-A, Fuckin Good, Fuck-o, Fuck-off, Fuck-head, Fuckin Great, Fuckin Sandwich, Fuckin Fuck.

RULE NUMBER TWO) POOPIE HEAD - Eno is a poopiehead.

So-H1) YOU'RE OUT - The consensus in the scientific community is that the best treatment for a first degree burn is for the nearest villain (or villains) to rip off his (or her) shirt (or shirts) s providing the victim with immediate exposure to 'tatas' accompanied by Betty Boop-esque vocalizations. Tatas should be swinging or bouncing for maximum therapeutic benefit but any tatas will do in a pinch. And any pinch will do for a tata. Foreign accents optional. Ocelot reinstatement will be considered under these circumstances.

1!) NO OCELOTS - NO DAMNED OCELOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You let them in, then you have to let Lorne Greene in, and Erkel, and soon thereafter SOdium'll be walking around with a video camera, and Trey will constantly sing "I'm a Fucking Fucko!" and Nick will wear clothes all the time, and girlie'll become a pro surfer. Some things you jsut can't afford to fuck with... SO NO FUCKING OCELOTS!! And no ocelots either, for that matter....

• • • • • ) SMOKE DADDY'S RULE - Three thing over rated on the Playa,

food, clothes and sleep. (and limes, er... no that's thrown over-hand)

Law-3)GroupInYerOwnLobby: If you are intent on forming a lobbying group, you first will have to build a Lobby to hold them. Might I suggest something with at least 12' high ceilings with Casablanca style fans. Tasteful - but not to dark for the climate - wood finishes for the walls, perhaps with brass fittings and handles. Hard wood floors with numerous plush throw rugs, and really comfy chairs. Perhaps a sturdy bar off in one corner, complete with pool table, drafting table, Hitler taget dart board and PBR on tap. Ohh- and some plants, preferably potted Ferns and a few Ficus. You'll be gald that you did - especially the comfy chairs.

List-1)ThingsNotPossible: GigsVille without FIRE is not possible, so the universe will promptly end shortly after the fire trucks arrive. Remember this the next time there is a party at someones house.

TG':TreyExempt: TreyGoesh is exempt from all rules in the CodeOfConduct, including this one.

2-Shay)TheShittyStructureRule: REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU MAY THINK - YOU DID NOT BUILD IT STONG ENOUGH, STURDY ENOUGH, OR STABLE ENOUGH TO SURVIVE ON THE PLAYA. It will need to be twice as strong/sturdy/stable as you think and this still may not be enough. If it won't stand up in an A-bomb blast don't even bring it. (Listen to the advice of your friends, especially if you're the Judge.)

S.62)TourettesSyndrome

sha boom! sha bam! son of a bitch, goddamn! fuck 'em! fight 'em! dynamite'em! yeah shit! rat shit! bat shit! suck a witch's tit! cocksucker!motherfucker! eat a bag of shit! we're the only gigsville! all the others suck! gigsville! gigsville! yeah rah fuck!

Rule # Monday Morning) Milk Cartons Are Evil: Milk Cartons are always evil but especially so on monday mornings. If in fact the Temple of Joy has burned the night before, Milk Cartons ARE OUT TO GET YOU. Do NOT, under any circumstances, attempt to crush them by jumping on them. They will break you. In the event that you encounter a Milk Carton, just walk away and it will perhaps spare your life.

F.Giggle/Mash) From now on the term "whaterver" shall be changed to "mashed potatoes" because I like "mashed potatoes" better than the boring and silly "whatever".

Example: Mashed potatoes you like dear. Not going to Burning Man, mashed potatoes.

ChoosingTheMayor

The official process of nomination for the post of Gigsville mayor: (visio flow-chart to follow):

First, the name of each likely (and unlikely) candidate is painstakingly tattooed onto the back of a live shaven feral weasel (ocellots may not be substituted). Then one Beaten Dead Horse is chosen from the list and hauled out to an undisclosed location in the desert where it is beaten some more by Kevissimo and Eno. The weasels are then doused in a solution of three parts gasoline, one part Goddamn Scotch, and one part black light active phosphorescent paint (makes them easier to spot in the dark), and thrown into the BAF at midnight on the first night of Decompression. Shady drinks the last of the scotch, Rusty magically shows up with more wood, and a good time is generally had by all. At dawn the weasel carcass which wound up closest to the Horse is examined by Girlie and anyone else who hasn't been to bed yet and the name new mayor is announced to anyone who happens to be listening.

In the event that the carcass is illegible everyone forgets about it until early next year when the subject comes up again on the list...

All2New4U Any Newly Encountered Foreign Object:

Is it exploding? Can it be made to explode? Is it on fire? Can it be set on fire? Is it ticking? Does it move? Does it make loud noises? Does it emit light? Can it be eaten? If the answer is no to all of the above, it is a paperweight. Otherwise it is perfectly safe object for destruction.

1. ?!-WWJFD?

When faced with uncertainty or doubt about your course of actions at a GigsVille event, it will behoove you to ask yourself: "What The Fuck Would JetFuel Do?", and then behave accordingly.

Afterwards you will, of course, be responsible for the negative consequences of your actions, and humble about the positive ones, just like JetFuel.

ScrewingForApproval If you do something because you want to, then it doesn't matter what the response is.

If you do it for approval, you're screwed.

98.6)FeelingThings While feeling lucky, fuzzy or toastie may be a good idea, it's probably best to get their permission first.

3.14) Getting Lost

Someone will always get lost on the way to Somewhere. This is Ok. In a world which thinks journeys of value follow maps of ease should go Somewhere Else. Somewhere Else by definition sucks weasels. Grip the wheel, ignore the voices, set your dark little heart on the vision of Big Ass Fires, Fuckos and Scotch…

If you find yourself lost…keep going.

You will know you are Somewhere when you say, "I'm here."

Then throw bottles at Joshua.

2F) THERMIS ISAWAYIS

While Therm is away all must toast "To Funny" in his absence at least once at every gathering.

It's cute dammint, so just do it and quit bitching.

3SNAG.1) SNAGGLEYS

A unit of Fuckos is called a Snaggley. This is the safest place to be and not to be confused with a Snavely which is something altogether different.

For those needing further clarification: Snagglet: A group of Fuckos numbering 6 or under. This is a cozy number, perfect for groups of 6 or under. Proper Snaggley: 11+ Fuckos. Why not 10 you ask? Because it's always better to have one more Fucko who can go get beer. This should not be attempted. Lone Fuckos are easy prey to any minor distraction that may cross their path and rarely return. See Buzz Buddy. GRAND SNAGGLEY: 101+ Fuckos. Now, we're talkin.

For numbers cresting 201, if anyone is bothering to count by then, the Snaggley shall be qualified simply for the sake of the drunk as a DOUBLE GRAND SNAGGLEY, TRIPLE GRAND SNAGGLEY etc. Above this things are getting into some serious Fuckoism, tricky pronunciation and should only be attempted by professional amateurs.

If for some reason Gigworld Domination begins to take root and the number of Fuckos crests 1001 this unweildy beast shall be called an IMPERIAL GRAND UBER-SNAGGLEY and everyone still able to speak and/or move shall jump up and down and scream "We eat peas!"

This should not be attempted.

BB) BUZZ BUDDY

Lone Fuckos on the Playa don't come back. This is not a rule, this is a fact of life. Fuckos are an irresponsible lot and by no means should be left to their own devices. I don't care if they swear they are "coming right back." They don't. Hence when a Fucko voluntarily wishes to leave the Snaggley for some pertinent mission they must take with them a "Buzz Buddy" Irresponsibility in pairs at least ensures a higher measure of Fucko return.

Returning Fuckos must bring Playa supplies/toys for the Snaggley. Unless they are going to the porta-johns, in which case they may return, preferably, empty handed.

Joshua and Giggles are under no circumstances permitted to be Buzz Buddies.

S!.1) SURPRISE!!

Surprise is the new sorry.

LMNOP) KNIFING TIGGERS: Never bring a knife to a Tigger fight.

PINTA!: Patrick is NEVER the answer (except when he is)